How to NOT be Annoying on ICQ
Created: Sometime in 1998

Introduction

If you've been referred here by me sending you a URL, it's most likely because you have done something that was inappropriate (in my opinion). Please understand: I'm not an arrogant person by nature, it's just that I get upwards of 100 ICQ-grams a day, and many of them are just plain annoying. If you are put off by all this, fine... you don't have to ever ICQ me again, and it's probably better for the both of us if you don't. I consider the following points to be proper etiquette, and you will be rubbing me the wrong way if you do not consider these points.

This is not an end-all etiquette list. It's not intended to be. It is intended to be a list of gripes that I have with specific behaviours expressed on ICQ, and is a good list of things to keep in mind. I am a fan of the concept of free and open relationships (regardless of the level of intimacy), and wrote this with that ideal in mind.

So, these are the things that really rub me the wrong way. They are probably the only way anyone will ever end up on my "ignore list." I don't think I'm alone in some of these, so you might want to consider the following in the light that it is intended: to provide a brief list of things that really irk me, and probably irk others, too.

Some Rules to Live By.

1. CONTACT LIST ETIQUETTE: Adding me to your contact list does not automatically (by some magic spell) make me your friend. If you never introduce yourself, and if you have no biographical information in your ICQ profile, it is highly likely you will get no response from me. It is also highly unlikely I will add you to my contact list unless you provide me with some compelling reason to do so. (also, see my notes section below).
2. "WHO ARE YOU?": I must get at least one of these a day. Just about everything you should need to know about me is in the ICQ Profile, including things like my name, where I live, and my hobbies and interests. There is also a link to my homepage there, which should provide additional biographical information that there just isn't the space for in ICQ. If you find me on your contact list, and you don't know who I am, then you probably violated etiquette point # 1 above, and it is probably safe to delete me.
3. FILE TRANSFERS: The rule here is simple. If I don't know who you are, I won't accept a blind file transfer. Worse: if I do accept a couple of packets and find out that it is a virus infected file, I will be CALLING YOUR ISP. Not E-Mailing, but calling them while I'm downloading the file from you. This will (undoubtedly) result in you losing your net access.
4. "COME VISIT MY HOMEPAGE!": Unless I know who you are, or you give me some compelling reason to, I probably won't visit your homepage. Additionally, if you send repeated requests, and/or you appear to be selling someting (i.e. you are "spamming" but using ICQ instead of E-Mail) you will be added to my ignore list, no questions asked.
5. "FORWARD THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS!": First off, a request: STOP SENDING ME THESE THINGS! Like the "visit my homepage" spams, I probably won't. Let me give you a few pointers here. You won't get a special version of ICQ if you send this crapola around. You won't be helping some kid with cancer, or helping billg@microsoft.com distribute his wealth. Just about all of these urban legends have been adequately debunked elsewhere. I'm not going to waste other people's time by forwarding this tripe to all my friends. I've also noticed that some people try to use this technique to get ahold of people's contacts ("send this to all your friends, including me" so I can see who's on your contact list). I have a tendancy (although it's not universal) to move people who do this repeatedly to my ignore list.
   If you do nothing else, please read Mirabilis' official page on this matter at their Circulating Chain Letters page on their website. Also, while your there, read the information at User Created Rumor Sites about this subject. It clearly states that Mirabilis (the company that created ICQ) will not communicate with users that way, and will not delete any user that does not forward a message like that.
6. "I WANT FREE WAREZ!": Oh boy. A little pointer: I primarily run Linux, so asking me for a warez site isn't probably going to help you. Additionally, piracy is a felony in the United States, and one that carries a fairly substantial civil as well as criminal penalty. If you are stupid enough to ask me, a network administrator of a software company, for warez over ICQ, you deserve whatever you get. The short version: ending up on my ignore list is the least of your problems. You may end up on society's "ignore list", which has much greater consequences.
   Note: I am more than willing to trade legal stuff, like open source and shareware software, public-domain and/or freely distributed MP3s, and text files. I prefer to do this using other means, however, as I'm not always at a suitable computer for such things (I do have net at home, but it is a pretty pathetic connection and a very anemic machine, so I prefer to do such file transfers at work, where I have T-1 bandwidth and a nice powerful computer).
7. AWAY... IT MEANS "I'M NOT HERE!": Some people seem to have a problem understanding how the "Away" and "N/A" functions work in ICQ. If you see me marked as "Away", most likely I have walked away from the computer and I am out somewhere, probably in that Big Room with the Big Bright Light (or with all the little tiny lights). Point blank: I have a life, and I'm frequently out living it. Sending me ICQ messages like "Are you there?" are pointless. If I'm here, I'm... not away. If I'm away, I'm not here. It's really simple. My ICQ marks me "Auto-Away" after 10 minutes of inactivity at the keyboard, and my job is such that if I'm not at the keyboard of the machine I have at work, I'm probably not even at my desk.
8. AVAILABLE... IT DOSN'T MEAN WILLING: Similarly, just because I'm at my computer dosen't mean that I'm in a position to answer immediately, or even that I want to. Again, my job is such that many times I have very intense work cycles, and also I have a lot of idle time. If you send me a message, and I don't respond right away, don't worry. Chances are I got it, and I'm not in much of a position to answer at that moment. If you really need to get ahold of me for some reason, E-Mail is an option. You do not need to send multiple messages. Also, don't take it personally if it takes some minutes (or hours) for me to respond. If you have something of note, chances are I will respond, even if it is just a "hey, can I catch you later, I gotta _____." Best yet: if I know you well enough to have given you my pager or home phone number, it's probably best if you contact me there. See the above point about "having a life."
9. "JESUS LOVES YOU!": Yes, I know that. I seem to get more than my fair share of these because my religion is listed as something other than Christian. I consider this kind of witnessing to be very rude, and doing so, especially as a first message, will result in you being added to my ignore list. Also, be warned: you will have your beliefs challenged if you message me in this fashion. I am well versed in the Christian bible, having spent 12 years in private education and coming from Christian parents. My personal beliefs can be summed up in the following sentence: Jesus was a great man and prophet... it's just a shame nobody ever listens to a word he had to say. Think about that for a bit, let it rattle around in your head for a while, and if you still feel you need to witness to me, at least have the courtesy to read sites like Witchvox first, so we can have some common frame of reference. If you are one of these "I don't want to read it, because it might infect my mind" types, do us both a favor: forget you ever knew I existed.

Some General Notes

If E-Mail is like first-class (snail) mail, then ICQ is like the telephone. Many people have phone numbers listed in the telephone book, and give their phone numbers out for the conveinence of others. Like the telephone, ICQ is fairly invasive (it demands attention with a "ringer") and the communication is immediate. Many people even use ICQ with voice chat software to emulate the telephone. Like the telehpone, there is some common courtesy you need to keep in mind when using it.

Would you call somebody randomly out of the phone book and expect them to immediately chat merrily away with you without having some context on which to build said conversation? How far would you get if you picked up the phone, called a random ten digits (for those not in North America, phone numbers are seven digits with a three digit area code here) and just said "Hi?" You'd probably get a lot of "Uh, hi" and "Who is this?"

So, if you add me to your contact list, and send me a message that says, "Hi" and nothing more (see point # 1 above), I'm gonna think to myself, "okay, who is this person, and what do they want?" I'm first going to check your online profile to try to find some common ground. If you've done the right thing, I probably will find some common interest and then reply with an appropriate salutation or query. If, however, your contact information is blank, I'm left to wonder. If I'm in a friendly mood, I might reply back simply "Hi" to see if this conversation may go somewhere. If I'm in a foul mood (which, unfortunately, lead to the creation of this document), you might get back a terse reply. If I'm somewhere in between, I may not even reply (or I might be "unavailable" for some reason, see points # 7 and 8, above), waiting further communication.

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